Posts by Flagg Eagleton - Patriot

In a groundbreaking and totally unbiased legal move, the 4th Circuit Court of Appeals has ruled that vandalism against Tesla dealerships now qualifies as a hate crime. The decision came[Click to Tate]

In a stunning revelation that's already shaking the foundations of the judicial branch, the Department of Governmental Ethics (DOGE) released preliminary findings showing that Chief Justice John Roberts may have[Click to Tate]

“The American people deserve more than just $700 to rebuild a house and buy a cheeseburger.”

“She was screaming something about Elon Musk being a fascist lizard and then just went full ‘Antifa Hulk’ on the place.”

Hollywood legend, daytime talk show host, and expert in unsolicited political rants, Whoopi Goldberg, has once again proven that being famous comes with perks the average American can only dream[Click to Tate]

In what experts are calling “the boldest financial heist since Congress voted itself another raise”, reports have surfaced that Oprah Winfrey collected a whopping $35 million from FEMA after the[Click to Tate]

In what is shaping up to be the biggest misuse of taxpayer dollars since the government decided to investigate whether shrimp could run on tiny treadmills, Elon Musk’s Department of[Click to Tate]

  Congresswoman Jasmine Crockett is in hot water after a shocking revelation that she has allegedly been collecting $2,600 a month in Social Security payments for her late grandmother, who[Click to Tate]

  In yet another case of Earth-73 proving itself the most ridiculous of all possible dimensions, the entire University of Maine’s women’s field hockey team has reportedly threatened to quit[Click to Tate]

  It was only a matter of time before the financial geniuses over at DOGE uncovered something big, and this time, they’ve outdone themselves. According to sources that definitely aren’t[Click to Tate]