You’ve Been Served: Rittenhouse Finally Pulls Trigger on Goldberg Lawsuit

More than two years after the whole fiasco began, Kyle Rittenhouse is finally pulling the trigger on his lawsuit against Whoopi Goldberg.

“The things she said about him after his acquittal were reprehensible,” the suit states, “Mr. Rittenhouse is more than due for a dose of justice.”

Rumors of a similar suit swirled for quite some time, with some stories from less-than-reputable outfits claiming Kyle was awarded $22 million and a formal apology for the things she said.

In reality, there was no suit, and the whole thing ended up being the work of liberal trolls looking to snicker at “gullible conservatives.”

“It’s really a disgusting practice,” said Joe Barron, Facebook’s Anti-Propaganda Czar, “anyone who would pay their bills by grifting the same people as Donald Trump should be pointed at with disapproval and scrutinized heavily. Or you could go the other way and have some laughs because it’s freaking hilarious, but that’s just me.”

At any rate, The suit is set for sometime this year, depending on how well the article’s distribution lasts in the silly new algorithm. Rittenhouse seeks $22 million and a formal apology. “He thought that would be fitting,” said his lawyer, Joe Barron, “that way the people suing Kyle can get an idea of what he’ll be worth.”

It should be fun to watch, patriots. Grab your popcorn and route for Kyle! God Bless America.