At a press-conference yesterday just outside of the Queeferton Arms hotel in Washington, D.C., Joe Biden touched on a slew of subjects he intends to tackle when his term as President of the United States begins in January.  Starting from his pandemic response and vaccine plans and heading into job creation and foreign policy, the highlight came during a question and answer period afterwards.

“Mr. Biden! Mr. Biden! Have you found a good home for Steven Miller yet?  His species can’t live in unfarted air.”

Among the questions, Fox News correspondent and Tucker Carlson back-hair shearstress Sandy Batt echoed the victorious Democrat’s statements about moving energy policy into the future, and was rewarded with an imaginative, if not somewhat bizarre response to asking for clarification.

“What we’re planning is wonderful, absolutely wonderful,” Biden told his media audience.  “I’ve been hearing a lot of very promising talk about solar-powered cars.  These vehicles will start out just like modern electric hybrids, but will mainly depend on a roof-mounted thirty-foot high tower of solar panels.  Now that sounds like a lot, but America also got used to not putting metal in the microwave, didn’t it folks?”

“We’re also seeing a great big of progress in Windtricity, which will power our houses, our appliances, and maybe our own personal Iron Man suits with nature’s own breath.  Just imagine a street full of lawn-based windmills powering massive rooftop generators.  Wonderful.  Why not throw out your power bill and use the Windtricity that God gave you to play your video games?  What’s the popular one now, Pac-Pong?”

“Man, I was aces at that E.T. game!”

Other questions Biden took included why he was raising taxes on the highest income Americans (Because they could afford it after Trump gave them a ball-rubbing tax cut and those Trump Plague checks didn’t come from thin air), and who he would replace President Trump’s incompetent lackeys with (Professionals who have far higher IQ’s).

Will Americans as a whole come together to support these, some say, radical ideas?  Well, if most of the backwards boomers who slobbered over Trump simmer down, we just might see some progress.


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