AOC : ‘Veterans Get Too Many Benefits’

Sandy Batt-Cortez was looking for a job.  She drive past the signs at Burger King advertising sixteen dollar-an-hour salaries and hiring notices at the local “Bob’s Boner Base” for exotic dancers, both exhibiting qualifications that she had to start.

These were no places of employment for the niece of infamous United States representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez.

Instead, she went to her local community billboard, which advertised those sweet, sweet government jobs, with health insurance and massages, and discount packages from the Olive Garden.  She applied for several positions, including the one she received a call-back for, “Assistant Dogcatcher” with the Animal Control office.

Sandy filled out the application, performed the tests, both reading comprehension and olympic-style time trials, and attended the workshop where she accepted Cthulu as her Lord and savior.  Two days later, relaxing in her custom made sex swing, she received a letter.  She hadn’t got the job.  A veteran did, who had skipped most of the process because he had a weighted ten percent higher chance just for being in the service.

That didn’t seem right.  Of course, Sandy was only six years old and still dragging her wubbie around, but still.  She told her aunt.

Alexandria gave a short speech in front of the Department of Liberal Shenanigans yesterday, excoriating the entire process and blasting the VA for “discrimination.”

“Veterans get way too many benefits.  Why do they need all of this crap?   Health insurance?  They’re not in harm’s way anymore.   They’re sitting at home eating government cheese and picking fluff out of their belly buttons.   This is bull*hit.”

Her inflammatory remarks didn’t sit well with veteran’s groups, nor with conservative action centers, most of which, double as funeral homes.

“The jello has raisins in it,” remarked conservative paperweight Myra Bella.  “I don’t like that.  I’m the shuffleboard second place champion.  Cock.”

Indeed.  We can only hope that that cock will rise up eventually and pork the right quiver ditch.