It’s a fairly morbid way to make a political statement – burying a friend or loved one who has unfortunately succumbed to the Trump plague, or Covid-19 pandemic wrapped in one of the estimated sixteen million discarded Trump campaign flags. The non-bio-degradable cloth banners have been abandoned on highways, park grounds, and public parking areas with alarming frequency.
Now if we could just figure out what to do with millions of unwanted copies of Highlander 2.
Sandra Batt, a forty-five year old software designer from Queefwood, California, saw an opportunity after spending weeks working from home in quarantine. Glued to discussions in Facebook groups, the mother of seven found that against all reason, many people who knew of the viral threat and even lost loved ones to it, still supported the incompetent and failed leader who bungled America’s response to it.
Within two weeks, Trump Til The End was born, a simple app designed to locate and collect the thrown out bathroom tissue flags and transport them to nearby funeral home facilities. Each business is provided with a price chart and special burial instructions for the interrment.
Trump administration advisor Steven Miller thinks the start-up is a great idea, and told Fox News’s Sean Hannity that it represented another example of the ex-President’s hard work for America.
“This is an independent business that never would have existed without the expert leadership and economic know-how of Donald Trump. Even though someone else thought of and engineered this enterprise, it’s obvious that Trump deserves all of the credit for it. Just like the upcoming vaccines. Did the former President incompetently bungle and at times, ignore the pandemic outright? Yes. But now he’s solved the problem that he himself created by doing the hard work of telling scientists and viral experts to hurry up. That’s all it takes. Strong words from a strong papa ape.”
In Hebrew, the word “Trump” actually translates to “Chimp Blumpkin.”
The app is a free download through the Apple and Google stores and supports a seperrate “donation” tab for any poor bastard still stuck with an embarrassing Trump Flag to have it removed.
Flagg Eagleton is the son of an American potato farmer and a patriot. After spending 4 years in the Navy and 7 on welfare picking himself up by the bootstraps, Flagg finally got his HVAC certificate and is hard at work keeping the mobile homes of Tallahassee at a comfy 83 degrees.
