The Covid 19 pandemic hasn’t completely gone away just yet, as supposed President Joe Biden promised it would, but thanks mainly and exclusively to the pure grit and bravery of the American people and the skill and quick action of former President Trump’s “Warp Speed” vaccination campaign, it does seem to be on the ropes. But none of that is enough for Dr. Anthony Fauci, the slightly, some say, bumbling face of the scientific community.
Thank God we have a bumbling unaccredited eye doctor with a collection of Ayn Rand porno on our team!
“Just getting vaccinated isn’t enough on it’s own,” the controversial life-long virologist stayed during a press conference. “You still need to wear masks, and I’d definitely suggest plastic or rubber gloves as well for at least another year beyond.”
The reccomendation is causing anger and frustration, especially among the uneducated Trump-supporting right, most of whom have declared themselves medical experts after using their second grade educations to work through a meme on a Facebook page with an eagle holding a star spangled dildo on the cover.
Joe Barron of Trump’s Warp Speed Sciencing Skool says the doctor has always been a worry wart and doesn’t understand the unimaginable sacrifices that oatmeal-American citizens have made thus far.
“We have the vaccines. It’s just about over. Dr. Fauci needs to stop trying to save lives with all this mask and glove talk. President Trump had this solved before, and he has it solved now.
Sure, he’s pretty obviously and positively responsible for bungling the response to the pandemic up until this. But now that he’s not there, it’s pretty much mostly kinda fixed. Go ahead and wear a mask of you think you can still be a ‘carrier’, or whatever. Pussy. Trump 2024.”
“2024 is going to be nuts because that’s when the Bible says the Mexicans will attack!”
As we near the end of this awful crisis that Trump’s ignorance and terrible judgement allowed to claim a half-million American lives, it’s time for all of us brave patriots to go back to ignoring the nonsense spouted by so-called “scientists” again. Leave the Discovery channel to the nerds, people.
Flagg Eagleton is the son of an American potato farmer and a patriot. After spending 4 years in the Navy and 7 on welfare picking himself up by the bootstraps, Flagg finally got his HVAC certificate and is hard at work keeping the mobile homes of Tallahassee at a comfy 83 degrees.
