Sylvester Stallone Resigns as a Spokesperson for Planet Fitness: We Have Different Values”

You may have seen the Sylvester Stallone commercial promoting Planet Fitness. He walks through, making it clear that the gym is a “judgment-free zone,” inviting every average Joe to come and join.

Those days are over. Stallone has pulled out of his contract with PF, firmly stating that he and the company have “different values.”

“Hey look,” Sly told us in an interview that may or may not have actually happened, “The time to bail is now. I couldn’t care less who uses the bathroom. I’ve never been in na Planet Fitness. I just don’t want to get canceled.”

ALLOD Investigative Reportalator Tara Newhole says we may have been the victims of a cruel hoax, unfortunately:

“There’s a division of Russian trolls trying to destroy democracy that are going around posing as celebrities for interviews with people writing fiction. We’ve contacted the authorities and Joe Biden’s DEA told us they were on the payroll, so try not to say anything or you may have to be dealt with.”

It sounds like a false flag operation to us, patriots, so we’re not sure who or what to believe at this point. What we do know is simple, though. Sly would definitely never work out at Planet Fitness.

Does anything else really even matter? We think not, patriots. God Bless America.