Incoming Vice President Kamala Harris is a well-known detail oriented woman, demanding complete transparent accountability in all matters.  It seems that her mistrust of imperfection now extends to former President Trump and his immediate family.

“But I really grew attached to a few of these sexy throw pillows.”

Harris has called for White House staff, in tandem with an independent group of experts on moving and inventorying both public and private goods to make certain the 45th President and legally-convicted con man doesn’t leave with anything of value – whether is be purposefully or “accidentally.”

The Vice President’s Chief of Staff, Sandy Batt tells news outlets that Kamala views the outgoing first family as an untrustworthy family of fritters and thieves.

“Kamala wants to make sure that after a Presidency absolutely dripping with criminal activity and pure outward disrespect for any sort of lawfulness or consequence, that this misfit group of professional shysters doesn’t leave her and Joe an empty house.  The paintings, the statues, the historic memorabilia, all of it could be fenced for easy cash in the hand of a Trump.  If we have to, we will absolutely have them strip searched on their way out like a vanfull of tweakers leaving a meth house.”

Although former First lady Melania Trump has already fled from Washington to organize her living quarters at Mar-a-lago, Harris has already assigned a pair of private investigators as assurance that she hasn’t filled her pockets with any valuables.  Both detectives have reported that the Slovenian call girl has so far only lifted four Fabrege Eggs from the Lincoln bedroom.

“Mrs. Fabrege, I’m sure your children are fine. Our search parties all have magnets.”

Insiders say the heavy-hitting Oakland attorney is even going to far as to monitor toiletries and supplies inside the kitchen cabinets.  She left a final statement in a letter to the press dated just this afternoon.

“Only the absolute dumbest people alive would trust any of this human trash with anything important.  This is just step one in their accountability as far as I’m concerned.”


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