Alec Baldwin’s career and life as he knew it are officially over. The actor, who pointed a loaded gun at an innocent woman and pulled the trigger, is being forced to sell off all of his possessions and file for bankruptcy.

According to a source close to the Baldwins who may or may not have direct knowledge of the situation, they’ve already sold off the Picassos and Alec’s Vintage He Man collection, but it won’t be enough:

“Hilaria started talking about moving some of their other high-value items, but Alec just sat in the corner in the fetal position rocking an action figure sobbing, ‘not Jar Jar. They can’t have Jar Jar.’ The whole thing is pretty sad.”

A spokesman for the family has said that all the reports are untrue and that Baldwin hates Jar Jar as much as anyone:

“Alec won’t need to file for bankruptcy now that he can sue the media for defamation under the new federal Rittenhouse Statute. Call him a murderer. Say he’s a hypocrite liberal for not practicing safe gun handling. But don’t, under any circumstances, accuse a good man of being a fan of that atrocity.”

The source hasn’t recanted, and we’re not sure exactly who Baldwin would sue, but one thing is for sure: this was far too silly to go on as of about 4 paragraphs ago.

God bless America, patriots.


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