Kyle Rittenhouse is an American hero for many reasons. For one, he murdered two people who we don’t agree with. Secondly, and much more importantly, he is raffling off the weapon used in the murders and pledging to donate the proceeds to none other than the 2024 presidential campaign of one Donald J. Trump.
Sotheby’s will be hosting the raffle and tickets will be $25 a piece or 5 for $120, which is a $5 discount over purchasing the 4 tickets individually. This is a great savings to take advantage of for those watching their spending in this economy.
Joe Barron, spokesman of Sotheby’s London, issued the following statement in a press release:
“This is a great opportunity to own a piece of American history. It’s right up there with owning the robes of the Grand Wizard, a Confederate sword, or even a slave. And if you buy 5 entries at once, you get a savings of five dollars over buying them individually.”
Republicans are already salivating over this fictitious story, with one Facebook commenter saying, “I love Kyle! He’s a real American patriot that wants to kill the commies that I don’t like!”
Well, they didn’t really say that since I’m still typing this and no one commented on it yet, but I’m sure they’re saying something just as ridiculous in the comments.
