Representative Adam Schiff (D-NY) found himself under the lights of a local prosecutor after reports of an incident involving a teenager. According to our sources, the teenager might be a boy but is most likely a girl.

The incident occurred at 7:09 PM at the Chuck-E-Cheese’s on Madison, which was the first red flag. Schiff has no children and no apparent reason to be at the kiddie play place. The teenager reportedly worked at the restaurant.

Police won’t confirm that they’re questioning Schiff, and his office denies that any such incident occurred at all, citing that the Congressman is often the subject of vicious rumors and fake news from internet trolls looking to enrage what they call “taters.”

The story is still developing.

Our source says Schiff was plainly seen dropping the teen off at the back door, and that he may not have gone inside at all, which is important enough to make the second to last paragraph, just after patriotic pupper. The restaurant manager said the employee is Schiff’s niece and he was dropping her off for her shift. Somebody’s uncle confirmed.

Charges against Schiff, therefore, are unlikely. Looks like that’s what privilege gets you.


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