Planet Fitness hasn’t just made a poor decision, it has obviously gone straight-up bat-sh*t crazy.

After a disastrous call to expel a member for exposing heinous crimes in one of the company’s restrooms, PF has doubled down and hired Lia Thomas, the transgender swimmer and activist, as a paid spokesperson.

“We hope this incident hasn’t offended anyone in the LGBTQIADTENKH+X Community,” said Club Operations Manager Joe Barron, “We hope that by adding Ms. Thomas that we can win back the support of the .07 percent of the community that we’ve lost.”

ALLOD Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion Specialisticator Tara Newhole, who we have to continue to employ and allow to speak on such matters until the appeal makes it to the Supreme Court, says Planet Fitness is “doing the right thing” and that this particular article is “complete and utter garbage.”

“Planet Fitness doesn’t care about portly satirists or geriatric Trumpsters, Flagg. They’re just fine,” said Newhole with an attitude I’d like to…”You should probably go outside and touch some grass.”

Irregardless of what Tara Friggin Newhole the hippy liberal believes, the aging Magaderpian needs these stories. They have to have the win out here in the rice patties. They don’t get to see the grandkids anymore and the kid that mows their lawn left a 40-foot-wide swastika two summers ago and never came back.

Cut me some slack, will ya? God bless America.


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  2. Chrissie Snipes

    Don’t reckon you’ve got any buddies Rossie – but you’d still have 35% more than that drivelling tosspot Mike Oldman.

    Stay strong Bro.

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