Clinton Foundation Investigator Kenneth McCormick Again Found Dead

For the second time in six months a Clinton Foundation investigator named Kenneth McCormick has been found dead.

As we first reported back in April, Mr. McCormick was found decapitated in a pool of blood in his driveway, apparently having committed suicide.

At the time, police suspected that the Clinton Foundation was involved due to eyewitness accounts of a black SUV with Clinton Foundation markings leaving the scene of the suicide.

While it is still unclear what, if any, the relation between the two investigators named Kenneth McCormick is, the fact that now two investigators not only sharing the same name, but both of whom were investigating the Clinton Foundation have been found dead, raises more than a few suspicions.

According to South Park police spokesperson Officer Barbrady, Mr. McCormick was apparently run over by a speeding black SUV while retrieving the mail at his home:

“Mr. McCormick’s neighbors, Eric Cartman and Kyle Broflovski, were walking home from a school fundraiser for the Dallas Cowboys when they were almost hit by a speeding black SUV.

Seconds later they heard a loud crash, followed by a bang and a gurgling sound. Upon arriving at the scene of the crash, they found Mr. McCormick dead in a pool of blood, X’s for eyes, his head crushed and the contents of his skull only contained by his hoodie. The mailbox suffered critical injuries and is currently in intensive care at the South Park repair shop.”

Interviewed at his home, Kyle Broflovski lamented the death of his best friend and neighbor:

“OMG! They killed Kenny! Again! You bastards! I told him to stay away from the Clinton Foundation after the last time they killed him! And now they got him again! He better listen to me next time.”

FBI spokesperson Joe Barron did not mince words after yet another of the agency’s Clinton Foundation investigators was found dead:

“This has got to stop. The Clintons have been getting away with this for years. We can’t afford to lose any more investigators.

We as a country must protest this sort of thing.”