After his overwhelming and decisive trouncing of Donald Trump in the 2020 election, President Joe Biden and his son Hunter have become the focus of quite a bit of heat from the amateur intelligence community, regarding their relationships with the nation of China. Some say that having no real scandals or rip-off scams in their history as Trump did, is leading armchair know-nothing sister fisters to pretend the communist nation is controlling the pair because nonsense and fairy tales is what they thrive on.
“Next up on Fox : Are today’s kids with their hip hop rap music trying to steal your nickel jar? The answer may surprise you.”
However, federal investigators working on a ridiculous tip from some desperate and soon-to-be-unemployed Trump administration justice officials have discovered that Hunter Biden did indeed engage in spying operations for a Chinese cooking class during his college years in Queefington, Vermont. The target? A popular mix of spices known by the insidious name “Yuxiang.”
The now First Son was a member of a Chinese food enthusiasts group during his sophomore year, and when challenged by a rival member to come up with the best seafood noodle dish, new evidence indicates that Hunter may have spied through the back door of local restaurant Ruv Roocy Roo for tips on how to imitate their Yuxiang blend. Federal agent Joe Barron explains the findings.
“Hunter was big on the Chinese takeout, which is common among college students. His fraternity buddy had boasted about his skill at cooking, and they organized a contest revolving around a seafood noodle dish, and who could make the best one. Five dollars was at stake. Yuxiang is a spice blend, literally translating to ‘fish fragrance’ and is key for any such dish. We’ve found evidence that Hunter may have spied through the kitchen door at his local dumpling purveyor for specifics on its construction. He did win the five dollars.”
“And stay out! You always taking too much duck sauce!”
It very much sounds like the younger Biden was caught red-handed, pun intended, in a secret Chinese spying scheme. Now only time will tell if morons like Tucker Carlson can blow this nothingburger up into something to Kung Fu conservative seniors into shopping carts like in a Jackie Chan movie.
And really. If Jackie Chan knows all that karate stuff so well, why is he always comically running away?
Flagg Eagleton is the son of an American potato farmer and a patriot. After spending 4 years in the Navy and 7 on welfare picking himself up by the bootstraps, Flagg finally got his HVAC certificate and is hard at work keeping the mobile homes of Tallahassee at a comfy 83 degrees.
