Megan Rapinoe had one chance to salvage her career after the devastating end of her as a player. She took a broadcasting position with ESPN. In a single one-hour broadcast designed to test her ability to play the part, Rapinoe buckled and failed.

“She showed up dressed like a clown,” said ESPN Program Director Joe Barron, “Then she acted like one.”

According to eyewitnesses, Rapinoe jumped on the table twice, once to cluck like a chicken, and walked off the set twice to “tinkle” just off-camera so the microphones picked it up.

“The straw that broke the camel’s back was when she went on a rant about Jordan being a ball hog and Scotty Pippin not getting enough credit,” said Barron, “Mike got a sneaker line and Pippin got a pair for Christmas once. Once.”

Rapinoe had to be cut loose immediately so her antics weren’t seen by the woke lefties on the ESPN Board of Trustees, who might find the whole clown show endearing and try to pull off their own version of Dennis Miller on Monday Night Football.

With all of that at stake, will it be possible for Lassie to save Johnny from the well or will Christmas be forever ruined?

Unfortunately, patriots, there’s no way to know for sure. God Bless America.

9 Comments

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  2. John Carbonetta

    I would love to see the video of her performance.

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  4. Dicki Ham Wallet

    Nice of you to say – although technically I’m not sure Lolita can have a Dicki ?

    Still, these days who can be sure, so I’m not Russian to judge – as they say in the Kremlin, “poison in your underpants will often Nabokov.”

    I’ll see myself out…

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