It’s been the talk of the internet and the country for days : The case being foisted upon the Supreme Court by Texas attorney general Ken Paxton to turn the election in Donald Trump’s favor by charging that four key states violated their own ballot rules and should therefore deny their electors the votes for Joe Biden.
Described as a desperate “hail Mary” by lawyers everywhere, the on-it’s-face ridiculous claim had nearly zero chance of success.
It’s the same chance Donald has of keeping Mar-a-lago after the divorce.
As of today, that description can lose the qualifier “nearly”. Paxton has suddenly and mysteriously dropped the case altogether, citing “a change of heart”. When pressed for a more detailed explanation, Paxton sat down for an interview with the Dallas Daily Queefup’s Joe Barron.
“Joe, I have completely seen a different light, brought by God and his angels to me last evening. I fell into a deep sleep and awoke just after midnight to a glowing figure in my room. I immediately recognized him as Andy Griffith, Matlock. He identified himself as the ghost of Christmas elections past.
He showed me how America dealt justice to rogue President’s and their criminal behavior. Following him was Rudy Guliani, who represented the present. He detailed the sheer incompetence and irrationality of what we’re dealing with now with shitbaby Trump and his glassy-eyed minions of stupid. Finally, a dark ghost of elections future showed me my own grave, covered in piss and Covid masks. It was terrifying. I’ve been reborn. Merry Christmas to all! Joe Biden is the President!”
“Now y’all call me if you have problems with that OJ feller again! I specialize in blacks!”
A powerful tale. Some are asking if it indicates a similar strain of mental illness shared by all of the impeached President’s supporters. Some others still are asking if author Fallis Gunnington can break 100,000 pageviews by mid-December. Both are nebulous queries.
Whatever the case, the dropped suit means that Trump has exhausted his final option, and all of his moron cheerleaders on Facebook can cry a little bit longer into their bowls of Cheerios and whiskey. Merry Christmas to all! And to all a Biden night!
Flagg Eagleton is the son of an American potato farmer and a patriot. After spending 4 years in the Navy and 7 on welfare picking himself up by the bootstraps, Flagg finally got his HVAC certificate and is hard at work keeping the mobile homes of Tallahassee at a comfy 83 degrees.
