When a crazed mob of maniacal self-important lunatics decides to march on your major American city, starts setting everything on fire, and then sits around in jail for a day, calmly waiting for Kamala Harris and her money train to pull up and safely bail them out, what do you do? What recourse is there?
Well patriots, that particular free ride is about to come to an end, as super lawyer and prospective Muppet lab assistant Trey Gowdy rides up on a white horse and begins litigating.
Just this morning, Gowdy and his faithful assistant Sandy Batt announced the beginnig of federal docket case number 2012-5150. “The United States vs Absolute Nonsense.”
The case will be heard within the week by federal judge Joe LaForm, who was given his seat on the bench by former President Ronald Reagan when he admitted that he’d attended several dozen Phil Collins concerts in a bald head wig.
Gowdy and his complaintants claim that during the course of several protests, their businesses were adversely affected, specifically by members of pretend “terrorist” organizations Antifa and Black Lives Matter. One, Clint “Anal Aviator” Hertzog, explained.
“I had a perfectly bustling and harmless popcorn store in Queeftown, Maine. Now, nevermind that there weren’t any protests in Queeftown. Or that a popcorn store is a layability just by it’s product from fire. The whole place went Jiffy Pop after one of those Antifa dicks set it on fire with my doobie. I mean, A doobie. I saw him. He wore crocs.”
Gowdy is already neck deep in collecting evidence of all the damage and conflagration, which is very difficult, considering that there barely is any, and the entire complaint is conservative overreach. Not to mention, those actually doing any damage have already been adjudicated.
The point is, never count Trey Gowdy out. He’s a confident man with a brain the size of a walnut who will eventually at least TRY to get something done.
