It took forever for Garth Brooks to open his new Nashville bar, “Friends in Low Places.” Construction delays from the investor bailout set the opening back months.

When the bar did open, it was a complete flop. “I played opening night myself,” said Brooks, “It was the smallest crowd I’ve seen in any bar in years.”

Brooks hasn’t been back to the bar in person since, which hasn’t helped — or hurt — the front door count. “It’s really bad,” said Club Manager Joe Barron, “I left Kid Rock’s place for this. I’m kicking myself every day.”

Brooks says he’ll probably just close the bar and move on. “Nashville obviously doesn’t want me anymore,” he said, “Maybe I’ll head out to Hollywood and try my luck there.”

ALLOD Musicalistical Journalisticator Tara Newhole said that while the story plays well, she can’t corroborate. “I tried to get in to see the low attendance and lackluster experience but the live went around the corner to the Johnny Cash Museum,” she reported, “so it’s most likely true.”

That makes perfect sense. If they won’t even let people in to see how dead it is inside, it must be really, really bad.

We’ve been saying it for years, patriots. Go woke go broke. Garth Brooks seems to want to find out just how broke he can be. God Bless America.

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