With the contentious election season of 2020 finally concluded, finding absolutely overwhelmingly that Joe Biden has been duly elected as President of the United States, one city’s patriotic mayor has decided to lead the way to the healing process America so badly needs.
In Dearborn, Michigan, mayor “Joe” Jazeera Mahatma Barron has called for the removal of all Trump campaign signs, flags, banners, and images from public and private properties.
The beleaguered hamlet has been the center of many a controversy within the past decade as a lightning rod for internet conspiracies and dozens of satirical tales designed to drive gullible elderly conservatives into fits of rage.
“These signs cost us hundreds of bottles!”
Barron’s full-page editorial in this week’s Dearborn Daily Queefer made it clear that he, the population, and reality itself were just finished with the morbidly obese former leader’s yammering cult’s bitching.
“With the election decided, and with the stress and invented anxiety that Mr. Trump has put this country through, I call upon our citizens, bless Allah, to remove his traitorous and disgusting image and name from sight.
We do not need labels or markings any longer to determine which of you are idiotic animal throwbacks, and which are sensible people backing the obvious victor, Joe Biden. Enough already. Remove your idiocy or it will be removed for you. Excelsior.”
That edict doesn’t sit well with Trump supporter Maya Vagreeks, 71, a part-time sofa shampooer in northern Dearborn.
The 500-pound conservative vented to some nameless jowly douchebag on Newsmax TV yesterday.
“Trump has been mah entire life for four years,” she confessed, absently waving her hooves. “I have every right under the constipitution to show mah pride and wear mah Trump mumu as a Merican woman. Come and pry it offa mah cold dead skin flaps!”
She was imprisoned and sadly, Obama-ed to her death shortly after this interview.
Protests have already begun at the mayor’s office as over four angry citizens have been restrained by local police, mostly due to weight limits on Dearborn’s standard sidewalks.
Mayor Barron is going to have to muddle through a hard lesson in peacemaking.
Flagg Eagleton is the son of an American potato farmer and a patriot. After spending 4 years in the Navy and 7 on welfare picking himself up by the bootstraps, Flagg finally got his HVAC certificate and is hard at work keeping the mobile homes of Tallahassee at a comfy 83 degrees.
