Elon Musk Admits He Never Went Into Space

Elon Musk has confided in his closest friends that his entire escapade into space was all faked. “There’s not an ounce of truth to it,” said Elon’s personal chef, “he never left the ground.”

Why all the hype and fuss to make it look like he went into space? It’s simple, says his accountant’s assistant, as simple as money:

“Elon promised a sustainable vehicle that could be reused, which turned out to be impossible. By the third try, he gave up and decided to invest in high-tech audio/visual equipment instead.”

According to several sources, a massive warehouse in Texas that supposedly holds “Spaceship One” is actually nothing but a giant movie studio where they’re already planning to film the “Mars Landing.”

None of it is real, and we’ve always known that. The bible tells us that the heavens are 500 miles above the firmament and that God’s love is what keeps the heavens warm and the underworld cold and dark.

Elon Musk could not have left the earth, since there is literally nowhere to go. He’s just the latest “astronaut” to get caught telling the biggest lie in history. The Earth is flat, the stars are there to guide you on the sea, and they take one full year to reset.

These things are science, patriots, and until we all accept that the bible is the truth, we’ll continue to make expensive movies and lie to our children about “space.”

God bless America.

About Flagg Eagleton-Patriot 419 Articles
Flagg Eagleton is the son of an American potato farmer and a patriot. After spending 4 years in the Navy and 7 on welfare picking himself up by the bootstraps, Flagg finally got his HVAC certificate and is hard at work keeping the mobile homes of Tallahassee at a comfy 83 degrees.