As our best president ever prepares to leave the White House after being cheated out of a second term, his devoted followers are wondering what his next move will be. Some have encouraged him to run for a second term in 2024, but he has made up his mind about his plans.
He’s going to run for Governor of Florida in 2022.
Republican Governor Ron DeSantis has confided to friends that he’s completely worn out by pretending to care about covid-19, so he’s going to retire after his term ends. This leaves a clear path for Trump to run for governor — and win — in 2022.
While many of Trump’s Kool-Aid guzzling cult members had set their hopes on a 2024 Presidential run, Trump’s insiders convinced him that he’d lose. And who would want to lose the popular vote for a third time?
That’s just masochistic. (And also, Ivanka really wants to run, so she convinced Daddy that Florida needs him. It really, really needs him.)
Joe Barron, a spokesman for Ivanka Trump, commented, “Ivanka sat down with her daddy and nuzzled his neck while massaging his right thigh. She repeatedly told him that he’s a winner, that everyone loves him — especially her (in that special way she loves her daddy) — but that people in Floriduh love him most of all.
He’ll never have to go to Hog’s Balls, Iowa, again and eat a corn dog. He’ll never have to suck up to the elitists in New York again.
He can just mingle with the people who pay a quarter-million dollars to join his club, where the chef knows exactly how much to overcook his steak and exactly how much ketchup to drown it in.”
And there you have it. In 2022, DeSantis will retire into obscurity and Trump will govern his favorite state in the country.
Expect your fundraising emails and texts from the campaign soon, starting on January 21, 2021.
