Dearborn, Michigan. It’s a city well-known for its controversial attitudes and actions. Between the fever fantasies of overpaid propagandists like Sean Hannity of Fox News and the dearth of internet shitpages aimed squarely at gullible old teabaggers, the Michigan hamlets is full of abusive immigrants, brown-skinned terrorists, or streets full of bacon-free zones, depending on who you happen to be strapped down next to in an ambulance to the funny farm.
“I found the problem guys. There are 2 extra penises in here.”
Now yet another fairy tale to enrage the potato-brained teabagging right has cropped up and begun to spread across Facebook pages with blank profile pics. Mayor Joe Barron of Dearborn has issued an edict, directive seventeen, outright banning all truck-mounted flags from the city.
The directive includes campaign-centered banners and sticked-rags that identify Trump supporting dickslaps, which is the main bone of contention from the radical ridiculous right. Although the story of the ban isn’t true, conservative actor and real-life crazy old drunk man drooling outside of a Kwik Stop begging for a poop towel Randy Quaid spoke for sixteen hours about the tale on his Twitter feed. An excerpt :
“The city of Dearborn has become a white-people no-go zone. The banning of our delicious truck flags is yet another insult by the liberal alien lovers against those of us who fought against the subjugation of the Independence Day invasion in an amusing yet, somewhat unnecessary subplot for the freedom of Americans like the Fresh Prince and Commander Data. It is a Muslim prayer rug thrown over our country’s already plastic-covered sofa. My son won’t talk to me because they never pulled him out of Innerspace.”
Quaid’s newest film, “Cannibal Santa” releases on Pluto in December.
The mayor contends that all flags displayed in flatbeds and not just moronic Trump ones get in the way of the drivers rear-view vision and therefore qualify as a hazard. But as usual, Trump’s slithering parade of eternal shitvictims has turned it into a blubberfest of truly ricockulous proportions.
Flagg Eagleton is the son of an American potato farmer and a patriot. After spending 4 years in the Navy and 7 on welfare picking himself up by the bootstraps, Flagg finally got his HVAC certificate and is hard at work keeping the mobile homes of Tallahassee at a comfy 83 degrees.
