Just like everyone knows the presidential election was stolen from the manly hands of Donald Trump, everyone knows that Dearborn is a non-Christian cesspool that has been taken over by people who don’t look like Chad and Becky next door. Our intrepid culture reporters have discovered more proof of this decline: they discovered that a local gas station has been posting its gas prices in Arabic numerals!

The horror! Think about the children! How can we possibly explain this anti-American, communist, socialist, evil display to these innocent little spawn?

Well, it’s pretty easy. It’s easy, that is, if you’re not a triggered bigot who goes from zero to ballistic in two seconds flat when you see the word “Arabic.”

Do you know what Arabic numerals are? If you do, good for you. You paid attention in kindergarten.

If you don’t, may I suggest you fire up the Google machine and find out what they are? Oh, what the hell. I’m feeling generous and I’ll do the work for the lazy knuckle-dragging troglodytes who’ve made it this far.

Arabic numerals: 0, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8. 9. Now do you feel stupid? It’s so easy to get all hot under the collar when you see the word “Arabic,” but if you weren’t such a hateful bigot — and so ignorant about the basics of the numeral system we use in the United States — you wouldn’t have to expend all that energy on misdirected anger.

Sandy Batt, superintendent of the Dearborn school district, commented: “Arabic numerals are one of my favorite bugaboos of all time. This topic ALWAYS riles up the ignorant twats who don’t know any better. There’s a website that writes hilarious stories quite often about Arabic numerals — americaslastlineofdefense.com. I love those crazy trolls.”

Consider this a TED Talk for Ignorant Twats by a Paid Liberal Troll.

You’re welcome.

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