This week’s updating of the top ranking businesses on the well-known Fortune 500 list saw a new up-and-comer break into the 41st position, a feat unheard of in the history of the institution. The Biden Foundation, listed currently at nearly $977 billion dollars appears to be a new juggernaut that may push the presidential candidate into a distinct advantage in the 2020 election.
Fortune magazine’s fiction expert, Sandy Batt, had a few questions for Foundation Chief Socialism Officer and potential first lady Jill Biden in an interview in Queeferino, New Jersey yesterday, the headquarters of the Foundation’s American wing. Batt began with what the organization’s purpose was.
“The Biden Foundation exists to raise money to legally challenge Trump in all areas of his life,” explained the educator. “It’s completely fictional, so is not subject to any taxation or oversight, and has already begun working on having the word ‘Trump’ eradicated from any and all public signs, postings, and businesses.”
Batt continued, noting the Fortune list positioning and asking how a charitable foundation could possibly appear on it.
“Oh, it can’t. It’s completely made-up. It doesn’t make any difference to the President’s little dipshit parade of dented-head followers. These are people who rally around a fat old dementia patient who is about as Anti-American as a theater showing Rocky 4 in Moscow. Our non-existent foundation will drive them into even bigger fits of stupidity when we announce we’re having paint drones draw dicks on every Trump billboard in the country.”
At the 41st position on the list, the Biden’s crown jewel falls between the similarly imaginary Keanu Reeves Acting Academy and “Pandon’ta, Inc”, a non-profit dedicated to stopping James Cameron from making Avatar sequels.
The up-and-not-coming institution placed far above the Trump Foundation, which is currently in financial forfeiture and under investigation, just like any business bearing the legally convicted and impeached President’s embarrassing name. Knocked off the list at 501 was big loser PenceCo after the Vice President’s business rolled out a line of purposely boring pornography.
