Augustus Anheuser III says he had no idea the marketing department at Anheuser Busch approved a campaign that promoted LGBTQ behaviors and lifestyles. As the company’s current CEO, he issued a formal apology to his customers.

“To anyone offended by the campaign, I am truly sorry,” he said in a statement obtained by the DKT, “I was unaware that the people entrusted to promote our brand were so out of touch with our customer base.”

While Bud Light remains the number one selling beer at bars and nightclubs, the brand’s typical retail customer tends to be right-leaning Americans like Kid Rock.

As of the publishing of this article, Kid Rock has personally purchased and destroyed more than $25K worth of the beverage.

“I’m committed,” said Kid, “I won’t stop until every store in Detroit runs out.”

Budweiser distributors in Michigan say they’re unlikely to ever run out. That hasn’t stopped the carnage, however, as tens of thousands of loyal paying customers have recorded themselves destroying their personal stash of beer out of sheer patriotism.

Anheuser says his company will strive to do better in the future and that the new marketing director has already been told in no uncertain terms that rainbows on beer cans are not going to stand.


  1. Well I am left leaning and have drank Bud Light for 20 years. I didn’t know that your preferred customers are nut jobs like Kidd. And you have no mind of your own, I think Coors lite is sounding pretty good now. Where they make beer and not hate on people. Were you lying when you said the cans with the guy picture on it was just a gift and not for sale to the public. Or do you think giving gifts is a bad thing now.

    • MarkP

      I guess the fact that this is a SATIRE site eludes you.

    • Jethro Sakamoto

      You are goofy. Anyone who brings up “hate” is lamer than lame. That is such nonsense and shameful. Try thinking for your self. Yes, it’s called critical thinking, before being weak and just grasping for the h word. It’s really pathetic.

      By the way, Kid Rock is great. Check him out singing Led Zeppelin’s “Ramble On” at your woke Kennedy Center awards with Obama and his husband. Lenny Kravitz too, you’ll find it on YouTube.

    • Art

      May wanna see who owns Coors! lmfao!

  2. Phineus T. Schlub

    Boy, they sure showed AB by, you know, BUYING their product before destroying it. Like the distributor really cares what the consumer does with the product after it’s been purchased?!? 😀

  3. Nah

    Interesting that the first thing this site asks you do to is click “I Trust You!” and then the article is a total fabrication upon even the most cursory search. The current CEO is Brendan Whitworth, though I have a suspicion the author of this article “Flagg Eagleton” knows this and is just writing garbage articles for either clicks or a gag or… possibly both.

    • Francis

      Satire must be something new to you.

  4. Bob

    This is total Bullshit,Anheuser-Busch sold the Company to InBev in 2008.
    Augustus Busch doesn’t own the company and isn’t CEO.
    InBev stands by their decision to have a Trans represent them.

  5. Joseph Weverka

    So when an action is identified as WOKE you must prepare to go BROKE.

  6. Terry Hackworth

    I do not give a shit what you say this should have never happened. Stop pandering to the 1% of America and prove you are truly for the people that drink your product. Why do you donate to some of these farmers that are needing help to grow the food that people need. You need to look at the people of your company and make heads turn. You need to fire your complete marketing department and start over. Get out and donate to the people that helped made your company and not the woke.

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