The previous day’s rain showers had cleared from the streets and the afternoon sun was doing it’s best as it hung over the Washington Elite Coffee Cozy cafe in D.C. Democratic Representitive Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez was relaxed at an outdoor table, dressed in casual clothes and sipping a half-double decaf latte with a twist of lemon.
“I really like this cafe, but the stirrers for the coffee bother me,” she opined as I sat for our interview. “They’re not recyclable, and they remind me of lightsabers without the right batteries.”
Or like the needle Bill Gates uses to suck out your soul during a vaccine innoculation.
Just yesterday at the Joe Barron School for Asbestos Removal Technicians, the diminutive diva had participated in a joint press conference with President Joe Biden to outline the administration’s goals for his freshman term. Cortez had responded negatively to queries about firearm control legislation, and visibly bristled when I brought it up to her now.
“Look, the second amendment to the constitution is more or less unnecessary. It was meant for use during a time of newly independent states threatened by foreign attack. It was not, and I know the stupid Trump teabaggers think this, meant to allow citizens to ‘rise up’ armed against politicians they didn’t like that were duly elected. The founding fathers didn’t add a ‘self-destruct’ button after working so hard to build a country so Joe Pumpkinpatch in Alabama could go on a shooting spree.”
“Its not a ‘spree’ if you’re sober.”
Cutting the interview short, the popular lawmaker and tweeter asked for the check and concluded.
“It’s the ‘well-regulated’ part that Republican psychos tend to ignore. People have a right to protect themselves, but the amendment needs to be more specific. Otherwise, it’s an unnecessary burden on all of us, in Congress, in the Senate, in the courts. We’re going to take a closer look at it in the months ahead. Now excuse me, I have to pick up some new nail art.”
And away she went, proving once again that the future of America will be written by the young and wise and not the elderly and angry. Like trumptards.
Flagg Eagleton is the son of an American potato farmer and a patriot. After spending 4 years in the Navy and 7 on welfare picking himself up by the bootstraps, Flagg finally got his HVAC certificate and is hard at work keeping the mobile homes of Tallahassee at a comfy 83 degrees.
