The newest Trump appointee to the Supreme Court, Amy Barrett, is readying herself to respond to what may end up being a fairly contentious confirmation process.  Already, many Democratic members of the House have refused to even meet with her, but one specific lawmaker, Representitive Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez of New York, took to the media this week to remind the future judge of “What America is.”

It’s where dogs can get discounts at Shoney’s after they went through some shit in Da’Nang back in ’68!

The youngest, and some say most socialisty member of Congress called a press conference early in the week after Barrett’s announcement, and felt the need to be a spokesperson for We The People to remind the pilgrim-like extra from Salem’s Lot that we are, statistically, a center-left nation.  She made quite a few remarks directly to Sandy Batt of the Washington Daily Queefblast.

“So like, I’ve heard that Carrie’s mom there isn’t a fan of people having health care like, oh, I don’t know, every other civilized nation on the planet, and doesn’t think women should be in control of their own bodies.  I’d just like to remind Miss Amy that America isn’t churning butter in the back of Miss Beadle’s one-room prairie schoolhouse, nor is it trying to be a recreation of M. Night Shamylan’s ‘The Village.’  You’re not going to walk into the highest court in the land and drag Elena Kagan into bible study in a broom closet.  That bitch will slap you silly.  There is more support now among the population of the United States for abortion than ever in history.  A majority of Americans support the Affordable Care Act.  So just adjust your petticoat, Angela from the Office.”

Barrett has yet to respond to Cortez’s remarks, having spent most of the last week at a local workshop teaching teenagers create Jesus statues out of Raggedy Andy dolls pinned to wooden chopsticks.

Many children were also put to work stuffing pillows in sweatshops for 14-hour shifts. It’s what God wants.

AOC is only the first critic that Barrett will have to get past on her way to the coveted black robe.  Let’s just hope she can keep herself in line before Nancy Pelosi starts building her a Wicker Man.


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