It’s an old saying : “Everything old is new again.” If you remember the days of America’s first controversial election, twenty-one years ago when George W. Bush was installed as president even when the final vote tally found his opponent the winner, you’ll remember Al Gore.
In today’s post-Trump environment where legions of mewling teabaggers, angry over absolutely nothing for more than a decade and pathetically mentally disabled vote for complete morons and stand behind them, Bush has inexplicably fared badly. Even though he won two terms, as soon as he correctly pointed out that Trump was even more of an incompetent imbecile than normal Americans observed, suddenly no yammering fake “Christians” or elderly dementia patients voted for him. Strange.
“Amember before Donald when I was the worstest presimadent? Heh. My beer hold.”
But now Gore, the 72-year old environmental activist and former Vice President is making a comeback. Already raising money and gathering his staff for a run for the governor’s seat in his home state of Tennessee, Al may become a very Inconvenient Truth for sitting GOP dickslap Bill Lee.
Democratic strategist and Gore’s quinoa fluffer Joe Barron told media outlets at a weekend press conference that his employer intends to bring logic and reason to a state that is, frankly, known only for Elvis’s house and music where the guitar player can’t just let go of the string after the note is played.
“We in the campaign start-up team think Al has an excellent chance of winning. We have a really good strategy – boredom. He’s super boring to listen to. Al’s voice could put a nursery full of babies with sugar IV drips to sleep in two minutes. What we intend to do is let him go, let the voters doze off, and eventually cart them into the voting booths before they even know what’s happening.”
Fun fact – the official state flower of Tennessee is mud.
It’s a bold plan, and one befitting the former Vice President who remains beloved in the party despite being married to the woman who made America label Motley Crue albums for safety. Then again, looking at Vince Neil nowadays, she may have been prophetic.
Flagg Eagleton is the son of an American potato farmer and a patriot. After spending 4 years in the Navy and 7 on welfare picking himself up by the bootstraps, Flagg finally got his HVAC certificate and is hard at work keeping the mobile homes of Tallahassee at a comfy 83 degrees.
