It’s been said by many that on his way out, former President Donald Trump has and is granting executive pardons to a who’s who of criminals, including fellow con artist Scooter Libby, violent sociopath Joe Apaio, and political fiction scribe Dinesh D’Souza, among dozens.
However, among those who’ve actually asked for the Get Out of Court Free card from the porky paste-pot, the Reverend Al Sharpton made the list this week as a high-profile denial.
“I’m listening, Jared. How many BLT sub sandwiches are we talking about here?”
According to research by Joe Barron of The Cleveland Queef-Times, several well-known names have asked and been given the thumbs down for redemption, including celebrity animal-abuser Joe Exotic, pudding pervert Bill Cosby, and musical molesters The Red Hot Chili Peppers.
Sharpton stands out, some posit, because unlike the real crimes Trump has forgiven murderous pieces of shit criminals for, the activist simply has tax difficulties, which he’s already confronted.
According to B.J. Champion of the Socialist Society for Socialized Socialism, Sharpton’s shut down perfectly demonstrates Trump’s twisted sense of morality.
“Al was found guilty of owing unpaid taxes around five million dollars, which he accepted and made restitution for. Trump himself owes over 100 times that figure and hasn’t even taken a step to address it, crying that it’s ‘fake news’ like the little bitch he is. Then he pardons psychos who murdered children in Iraq and his pasty-faced old douchepal Roger Stone after he happily lied to authorities and broke the law?
Not to mention every thug who did his criminal bidding and has cufflinks stinking of his ass sauce. This guy was the biggest lawbreaking delinquent in America before Putin got him elected. Now he might as well apply to El Chapo’s office after he leaves.”
There’s always Mickey D’s. But anything over a felony gets you Drive-thru duty.
It’s clear that Trump is compromised six ways to Sunday, and a good part of that infection is nature’s own dementia and lack of a conscience. It’s safe to say, anyone mad at Sharpton and worshipful of the Donald is either racist, mentally handicapped, or both.
Flagg Eagleton is the son of an American potato farmer and a patriot. After spending 4 years in the Navy and 7 on welfare picking himself up by the bootstraps, Flagg finally got his HVAC certificate and is hard at work keeping the mobile homes of Tallahassee at a comfy 83 degrees.
