Pelosi Orders Air Force One Grounded

Even though her party’s candidate has decisively beaten President Trump in the 2020 election, Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi isn’t satisfied.

Citing the numerous lawsuits and ongoing litigation against the lifelong grifter, most notably in the state of New York, Pelosi believes that the lame duck con man is a “flight risk”, and has ordered Air Force One grounded in the event Trump attempts to abscond to a non-extradition country.

The orders from Pelosi’s congressional office are afforded her by section 17, articles 4 and 5 of the Constitution, and haven’t been excersized since the Nixon era, when the similarly criminalistic President was effectively put on “lockdown” in the White House West Wing linen closet for a period of two days.

Sandy Batt of the Washington D.C. skip-tracer agency FattyHunters says that she and other bounty hunting enterprises in the area have already been called by the Speaker and placed on high alert for any escape attempt by the desperate creamsicle-hued imbecile.

“Mrs. Pelosi has placed D.C. and it’s three surrounding States under B.O.L.O. notices, serving nearly every mercenary and private retain and return agency therein.  There aren’t too many places he’s going to be able to run when the hammer of justice comes down now that his plane’s been taken away.

Trust me, if that lying piece of garbage even looks at a goddamn skateboard the wrong way, he’ll be taxed and hogtied quicker than Pence making his underwear sticky at a firehouse peephole.”

Local and nearby transit agencies have all also been informed to guard against Trump seeking to run from his fate, and Pelosi’s office computer system has been tied into surveillance cameras citywide with facial recognition software.

For former President and convicted criminal Donald Trump, you can run, but you can’t fly.  Or drive.  Or ride.  The long arm of the law reaches everyone.