Rachel Maddow to be Named Chairperson of FCC to ‘Weed Out Nonsense’

Perhaps emboldened by the actions of Facebook and Twitter, President Biden has named liberal news host and commentator Rachel Maddow as Chairperson of the Federal Communications Commission (FCC). The current MSNBC anchor will be replacing Ajit Pai, appointed by President Trump in 2017, who oversaw a fair and balanced FCC, ensuring First Amendment protections for all.

Conversely, Maddow will be brought in to squelch conservative voices and silence any of Biden’s detractors.

Maddow grew up as a Catholic lesbian in the liberal bastion of the San Francisco Bay Area. Her athleticism in high school masked her much more introverted personal life.

She went on to Stanford University where she majored in public policy and attended many “munches.”  She was eventually rewarded with the John Gardner Fellowship and was also the recipient of a Rhodes Scholarship and went on to do her postgraduate work at Lincoln College, Oxford in 1995.

Her road to radicalism began during a chance encounter at the Pig & Whislte Pub, just off the Oxford campus, in 1996. While pounding vodka crans one night, she was approached by a spritely, albeit a bit devilish, British chap.

Intrigued by Rachel’s androgyny, he inappropriately placed his hand on her buttocks and propositioned the young postgrad. A nearby ally saw the transgression and rushed into action, tackling the offender.  That devilish young Brit was Hugh Grant. That ally was Rosie O’Donnell, who was at the bar while on holiday.

Rosie O’Donnell saved Rachel Maddow from Hugh Grant at the Pig & Whistle and set forth a wave in Rachel’s soul that will now crest 25 years later with Biden naming her Chairperson of the FCC.  She may have been spewing her leftist rhetoric in an echo chamber during her time at MSNBC, but come her first day as head of the FCC, the whole of the US will bear the brunt of her rage.