Thanks to an avalanche of coverage by the mainstream media, the trial of police officer Derek Chauvin, accused of murdering suspect George Floyd through use of excessive force and terrible judgement, is America’s biggest news extravaganza. But as many conservative teabagging pretend-news outlets would have you believe, Floyd, while being the victim, may have had it coming because every crime should be punishable by execution, just like in the movies.
“Shometimes it’s besht to jusht kill firsht and worry about it later, boy.”
Adding a wrinkle to the effort to allow anyone graduating the police academy with a C- average to wantonly choke out single cigarette bootleggers, reporter Sandy Batt of the Minneapolis Daily Queefyapper has discovered solid evidence that Floyd was on the payroll of elderly-white-people frightening group “Black Lives Matter.”
The group, although like “Antifa” movement is responsible for exactly zero deaths, was declared a “terror organization” by former disgraced racist-empowering President Donald Trump. Batt believes this revelation could be used by desperate defense attorneys to help justify Chauvin’s deadly incompetence, which was, by the way, caught on a fu*king video, for fu*k’s sake.
“Clearly, the effort by the defense is to blame the victim by acting as if the police have some sort of right to critique a person’s entire life like a junior St. Peter, and determine whether or not he deserved to remain alive. Thanks to Trump, the Black Lives Matter movement has been made into a boogeyman to scare his old racist cult blumpkins, and this will add to the absolutely nonsensical reason that it’s okay for a shitty cop to get his jollies through murder.”
“That’s how the Jews do it! Let’s ban laser tag!”
Defense attorneys for Chauvin intend to use the information along with other damning accusations, including Floyd’s frequent attempts to order breakfast past 11:00 a.m. at McDonald’s, and a witness statement accusing the father of parking in front of a fire hydrant once.
Is it alright for our boys in blue to use deadly force if the suspect was known to have committed crimes in the past? Why not? We don’t really need a whole justice system anyway. North Korea does just fine without one.
Flagg Eagleton is the son of an American potato farmer and a patriot. After spending 4 years in the Navy and 7 on welfare picking himself up by the bootstraps, Flagg finally got his HVAC certificate and is hard at work keeping the mobile homes of Tallahassee at a comfy 83 degrees.
