Many people remember the good old days of 1963. Martin Luther King held a massive march on Washington to install critical race theory in schools. Rock band the Beatles recorded their first album “Please Please Me,” which would eventually flop and doom the quartet to obscurity. President Kennedy was shot and killed in Texas by Ted Cruz’s father, leading to the invention of “Stand Your Ground” legislation and serving as a reminder to the American population not to go anywhere near Texas.
The soundtrack of that era was flooded with toe-tapping music by grown men in bell-bottomed pants and blouses, notably, The Ventures, who, along with instrumental “surfer” hits like “Wipeout” and the themes to popular television programs “Hawaii 5-0” and “Kids on Acid Say the Darndest Things”. Then came “Pipeline.”
The Ventures also hold the title as the only rock band of the era to leave the sixties with their virginities intact.
The song, featured in dozens of pop-culture settings including the movie More American Graffiti and television hit “The Simpsons” became a siren call for beach culture and sunglasses that only Rush frontman Geddy Lee would wear today.
But that ends now, as journalist Joe Barron told us, by President Joe Biden’s bill 6733, which will ban the Venture’s “Pipeline” from being used over American airwaves.
“The President hates that song, and feels that ‘Wipepout’ is a superior instrumental to use publicly. Many do feel that ‘Pipeline’s’ breakdown in the middle doesn’t compare to the drum fill-ins of that second song, and Mr. 46 really takes his surfing tunes seriously. I know he’s currently in talks with Ford motors about eliminating all mention of the ‘duece coupe’ as well. ‘Good Vibrations’ will remain unaffected.”
Rand “Fun, Fun, Fun” Paul contemplates the implications of the bill while Atlas shrugging.
Unlike the Keystone pipeline that conservatives and Trump-fellating D-students across the country are losing their minds about to satisfy their butthurt, Venture’s Pipeline is already completed and provides only crude hip-shaking motions instead of oil.
Expert dimwit manipulators on the Newsmax and OAN networks are already calling Biden’s move : “The end of all life on the planet as we know it and a virtual catapult to shoot Satan Himself straight up into our soon-to-be gaping chest holes.” You know, it is what it is. Groovy.
Flagg Eagleton is the son of an American potato farmer and a patriot. After spending 4 years in the Navy and 7 on welfare picking himself up by the bootstraps, Flagg finally got his HVAC certificate and is hard at work keeping the mobile homes of Tallahassee at a comfy 83 degrees.
