With a nearly unprecedented three appointments to the Supreme Court in his four years of office, former President Donald Trump thought that by placing three dyed-in-the-wool conservative judges in those seats, he’d be saving future generations of Americans to come from the scourge of socialist communist interpretations of our country’s legal statutes.
According to one capitol hill insider, who wanted her name kept anonymous for safety reasons, the Don has been conned.
It’s not the first time. That horse was Barron’s 7th birthday present. Tough love.
After sources here at ALLOD bribed a few GOP regulars and invasively searched private records, the insider has been revealed as 47-year old Mike Pence page Sandra Batt, who resides at 521 Queefwood Circle in Washington. Her house is off-white with red framing, and she lives only with her ailing elderly mother, and is home most weekdays after 6 p.m. Her security password is “Cockamamie.”
In an identity-altered video traced to Batt’s ISP this Friday, the whistleblowing assistant confirmed beyond any doubt that Barrett and Gorsuch had only been painted as conservative, when in reality, as demonstrated by the recent loss of Trump’s hail Mary Texas case, both are treehugging Odwalla-deibking liberals.
“Amy might have that whole culty upbringing of joining clubs where women wear four pairs of underpants, but if you really look further, you discover that she’s also a member of the Taylor Swift fan club. In 2005, she marketed a Dick Cheney “Punchable Buddy” for children. Neil Gorsuch has a lot of right wing accolades, but he’s also hiding his membership in ‘Nazi Cakes’, an organization that supplies confections for Antifa bake sales.
“Many of these facts have been very carefully covered up in order to Trojan horse the two onto the bench to do exactly what they did yesterday – ensure that Donald Trump fails.”
Which, really, is an easier goal than finding e-coli in an Olive Garden breadstick.
Many delerium-suffering cockblasters are still convinced that Trump has a secret undercover voodoo path to the Presidency he’s already lost more than 50 times.
For more on those theories, click the button on your medic alert bracelet to bring up Newsmax TV.
Flagg Eagleton is the son of an American potato farmer and a patriot. After spending 4 years in the Navy and 7 on welfare picking himself up by the bootstraps, Flagg finally got his HVAC certificate and is hard at work keeping the mobile homes of Tallahassee at a comfy 83 degrees.
