In a move that has sparked widespread speculation, the U.S. State Department has officially denied Dr. Anthony Fauci’s request to update his passport. While officials claim the rejection is purely bureaucratic, insiders suggest the decision is part of a broader effort to ensure accountability for Fauci’s past actions.
A spokesperson for the department stated, “Dr. Fauci’s request for a passport renewal was declined due to irregularities in the application process.” When pressed for details, they vaguely referenced “some inconsistencies,” such as an outdated signature and a suspiciously well-worn stamp from a 2020 trip to Wuhan.
However, conservative watchdogs have hailed the decision as the first step toward justice. “This proves he’s trying to flee,” declared Kash Patel, who has taken a personal interest in tracking Fauci’s whereabouts. “Why does a man who supposedly just wants to retire need a new passport? Where’s he going? The Hague? The underground bat lab? A secret globalist retreat on Epstein Island?”
As questions swirled, Fauci himself attempted to downplay the controversy, stating, “I just wanted to take my wife on a vacation to Italy.” But skeptics remain unconvinced. “Classic excuse,” said Congressman Joe Barron, who has since introduced a bill to place Fauci under 24/7 surveillance. “First, it’s ‘just a vacation.’ Next thing you know, he’s in a shadowy European café, whispering pandemic blueprints into a waiter’s ear.”
Meanwhile, Senator Art Tubolls has called for even stricter measures. “We need to revoke his driver’s license too,” he insisted. “If he can’t leave by plane, what’s stopping him from taking off in a modified Tesla or hitching a ride in one of Bill Gates’ weather balloons?”
As for the State Department, they remain firm. “Until further notice, Dr. Fauci will remain firmly within U.S. borders,” said an anonymous official. “We’re not saying he’s a flight risk. We’re just saying that if he were to disappear overnight, the American people deserve answers.”
At press time, Fauci was last seen sighing deeply and browsing Greyhound bus schedules.
