Tyson Foods recently announced that it would start using insects in its food production, naming a new partner for the “Insect Protein Supplement Program.” Today, the famous chicken processor got its first shipment of 150 million “high protein” cockroaches and grubs.

At first glance, of course, it looks like the company is using the insects in the chicken somehow, which is very disturbing. Even though the company tried to explain that they’re planning on feeding the new food to the chickens and not somehow turning chicken into a poultry-bug hybrid, it’s inconceivable to those who think that Garth Brooks is broke and getting booed off stage three times a week.

“Yeah we’re not doing that at all,” said Tyson CEO Joe Barron, “We’re feeding the new stuff to the birds to lower costs and make the food supply chain more sustainable.”

As a side note, ALLOD would like to apologize for how realistic Joe’s quote sounded just then. Please don’t show it to Reba McEntire.

“If they’re gonna start using bugs in the chicken,” said BillNMabel White from Louisville, “We’re gonna start eating Purdue.”

Perdue wasn’t available for comment, but Burger King, whose chicken sandwich is surprisingly underrated in the chicken sammy wars, said they absolutely will not use insects in their process “unless the consumer would like that.”

Should “Have it your way” mean “with cockroaches?” Only time will tell, patriots. God Bless America.


  1. Punched in the ring ? Ear, ear ...

    At first I thought this was going to be an expose on Iron Mike’s new line of eco friendly munchies – guess I’ll be chicken in later to comment on the comments, as thus far it’s been a poultry effort.

  2. Yaw Momma - still no fucking iPhone tho

    Free iPhone – can’t make that any clearer cash cretin.

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  4. Vandal Randal needs the Jandal

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