We’ve all been waiting with baited breath for weeks after former (and probably future) President Trump announced that he had a BIG STATEMENT to make on November 15th.  Well, that day is here, and so is his big news :

Melania, his wife and former first lady of the United States is pregnant with their second child.

According to close friend of the family Sandy Batt, the Gift From God is in it’s second week of life, putting the insertion date on or around Halloween.

“This would make perfect sense,” Batt confirmed, “As Donald was dressed as O.J. Simpson and Melania was a Watermelon with a hole carved into it.”

Watermelon sex is a classy and cherished activity in Casa De Trump nowadays, ever since the tragic and un-Hillary related death of former wife Ivanka, who preferred to dress as a giant mouse vagina.

Trump is happy as the usual expectant father, and made such emotion clear in his speech from the top of the Trump Plaza Hotel’s dumbwaiter in New York City.

“I have fathered yet another child, people.  It’s going to be great.  Hopefully it will be a male, so that Junior can be repurposed into his original use as organ replacement parts.  Although that face.  Bleh.”

Many were expecting the announcement to involve the former twice-impeached failure’s political ambitions.   They were wrong.

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