WASHINGTON, D.C. – In a move that has left both critics and supporters astounded, President Donald Trump’s recently unveiled $5 million “Gold Card” visa program has reportedly generated a staggering $1.2 billion in revenue within its first 24 hours. The surprising twist? Every single purchase was made by Russian mobsters and oligarchs.

A Golden Opportunity

The “Gold Card” initiative, announced earlier this week, offers wealthy foreigners a fast-track to U.S. residency and citizenship in exchange for a $5 million payment. The program aims to reduce the national debt by attracting affluent individuals from around the globe. However, the initial influx of applicants seems to have come exclusively from Russia’s elite circles.

A Rush from Russia

According to sources within the Department of Homeland Security, 240 applications were submitted within the first day, all originating from Russian nationals with ties to organized crime or substantial political influence. One official, speaking on condition of anonymity, remarked, “It’s as if the entire Russian underworld had this date marked on their calendars.”

Presidential Endorsement

When questioned about the unexpected demographic of applicants, President Trump appeared unfazed. “I know some Russian oligarchs that are very nice people,” he commented during a press briefing. “They’re rich, they’re smart, and they love America. Why wouldn’t we want them here?” citeturn0search9

Critics Sound the Alarm

Opponents of the program have been quick to voice their concerns. Senator Elizabeth Warren stated, “Selling American citizenship to the highest bidder is bad enough. Doing so without proper vetting, especially to individuals with known criminal backgrounds, is a reckless abandonment of our national security.”

A Glimpse into the Applicants

While specific identities remain confidential, leaked information provides insight into some of the applicants:

  • Vladimir “The Shark” Ivanov: Alleged head of a major Russian crime syndicate, known for his lavish lifestyle and rumored ownership of a private submarine.
  • Olga Petrova: A billionaire businesswoman with close ties to the Kremlin, often seen vacationing with high-ranking officials.
  • Dmitry “The Bear” Kuznetsov: Infamous for his underground mixed martial arts empire and a vodka brand that boasts a 200% alcohol content.

Economic Implications

Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick attempted to quell fears by emphasizing the economic benefits. “Each ‘Gold Card’ sold brings in $5 million directly to the U.S. Treasury,” he noted. “That’s money we can use for infrastructure, education, and other vital services.”

A New Wave of Immigration

As the program continues, analysts predict a significant shift in the U.S. immigration landscape. Luxury real estate agents in cities like Miami and New York are reportedly preparing for an influx of Russian buyers seeking to establish their American footholds.

Conclusion

While the long-term effects of the “Gold Card” program remain to be seen, its initial rollout has undeniably made a splash. As the U.S. opens its doors to a new class of wealthy immigrants, only time will tell how this gamble will pay off on the national and international stage.