Trump Orders Facebook to Split into ‘Facebook RED’ and ‘Facebook BLUE’

Facebook RED is better than Parler!

Patriots nationwide are fully aware that Facebook blatantly censors conservatives, trampling on their First Amendment right to free speech. So President Donald Trump has issued an executive order that Facebook must split into two companies: Facebook RED and Facebook BLUE.

Facebook RED will be forced to uphold the First Amendment. Yeah!

Of course, this is even though Facebook is a corporation and not a government so the First Amendment doesn’t apply at all. But don’t tell that to the butthurt, aggrieved alabaster folks who love to post lies about election fraud and Muslim bogeymen and expect to get away with it.

On Facebook RED, Trump and his brainwashed cult members will find a 100 percent conservative membership who desire a safe space to express their patriotic feelings of racism, bigotry, xenophobia, misogyny, homophobia, and all-around dickishness.

Which Facebook pages and groups will be relegated to Facebook RED? This one will get Trump, of course, along with all Senate Republicans, Scott Baio, the My Pillow guy, and all of Trump’s grown spawn and their spouses, concubines, and side pieces.

Oh, and millions of run-of-the-mill bottom feeders who think Trump and Jesus are pretty similar, ethics wise.

Jon Voight, Clint Eastwood, and Lou Dobbs will lead a new Facebook RED committee called OWGWWAL — Old White Guys Who Whine a Lot — that will weed out any conservatives who might slowly start to wise up and realize how much the Cult 45 Kool-Aid has addled their brains.

Facebook spokeswoman Sandy Batt laughed and took a healthy swig of Miller Lite when asked about Trump’s order splitting the company in two.

“That lame-duck turd thinks he can do this with the stroke of a pen? That’s cute,” she said.

And who will use Facebook BLUE? Scientists, true Christians who follow the Golden Rule, people with an education past the third grade, artists, creators, and the rest of the people who see Trump for the anti-christ he is. You know, the smart ones.