Tom Hanks, who has long been associated with Jeffrey Epstein and the saga of his island of sin, is following in his former friend’s footsteps and buying and island of his very own.

“It’s a 700-acre paradise in a non-extradition zone of the Pacific,” said investigative journalisticator Tara Newhole, “it’s the perfect place to go if you want to commit crimes or escape prosecution for them.”

Hanks hasn’t officially named his new playground, but underground sources in Hollywood say his friends are already calling it “Hanky Island.”

“It has a nice ring to it, said Danny Masterson from his jail cell, “I’ve never met Tom Hanks, but I hear he does a great Tom Hanks.” Unfortunately, Masterson’s buddy Tom can’t get him out of his rape charges. “If I escape I know where I’m headed, though,” he joked.

ALLOD Legal Correspitulator Tara Newhole said that Masterson, odd inclusion in the story was inevitable, given today’s political climate. “If you look at it, the whole thing was bound to happen. First you have the rapist guy withy no connection to Hanks. who has no connection to Epstein, who has no connection, allegedly, to former New England Patriots quarterback Steve Grogan. One plus one doesn’t often equal six, but when it does, toss some salt over your shoulder and pray to the almighty.”

Tara has a way of explaining things so simple people understand them.

We’ll keep you updated on this developing story. God Bless America.

 

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