In what was initially labeled as the scandal of the decade, Minnesota Governor Tim Walz found himself in hot water after records surfaced showing he had received a $368,000 Paycheck Protection Program (PPP) loan—under the baffling job title of “Online Gaming Coach.”

Conservatives erupted in fury. How could a sitting governor, supposedly focused on running a state, secretly moonlight as a gaming coach? Was he spending taxpayer money teaching Fortnite strategies? Was he grinding ranked matches in Call of Duty on the public’s dime? Had he been holding government-funded esports boot camps for Minnesota’s youth while ignoring real problems, like making sure billionaires got bigger tax cuts?

Fox News immediately launched Operation Outrage, running 37 segments in one day, featuring headlines like “WALZ SCAMS TAXPAYERS WITH FAKE JOB” and “IS YOUR GOVERNOR SECRETLY PLAYING MINECRAFT WHILE YOU SUFFER?”

However, just as a House Oversight Committee was preparing to investigate, Walz’s spokesman, Joe Barron, stepped forward to clear things up—and instantly deflated the scandal.

“I hate to ruin the fun,” Barron began, addressing a horde of disappointed conservative pundits who had already prepared a week’s worth of angry monologues, “but this is just a clerical error. The so-called ‘loan’ was actually a $368,000 personal donation Walz made to a nonprofit that provides gaming equipment and internet access to underprivileged kids. It was mistakenly listed as a PPP loan on the Department of Government Expenditures (DOGE) website.”

The conservative outrage machine ground to a screeching halt.

“So… you’re telling me he didn’t actually take the money?” stammered Newsmax host Todd Hargis, blinking in confusion. “He… donated it?”

“Yes,” Barron confirmed. “And before anyone asks—no, he did not ‘train kids to be professional gamers’ in exchange. He didn’t spend it on an Xbox, a gaming chair, or ‘skins’ for Call of Duty. It was a charitable act misreported as a government loan.”

This revelation devastated conservative media. Fox News was forced to pull all their Walz coverage, leaving Tucker Hannity Ingraham to scramble for a new target. OAN, after realizing they had no scandal to push, briefly switched to reporting on the dangers of wind energy making cows too strong.

Still, some Republicans refused to accept the truth. Senator Mitch Flanagan (R-KY), who personally pocketed $2.7 million in PPP loans for his “small business” (a luxury golf resort called ‘Trickle Down Greens’), demanded a full investigation.

“Whether or not Walz actually committed fraud isn’t the issue,” Flanagan argued. “The real question is—why does he care about poor kids having access to video games? Shouldn’t they be working in coal mines?”

Meanwhile, Walz remained unfazed. “I just wanted to give some kids a chance to have fun and access technology,” he said with a shrug. “If that’s the worst thing I’m accused of, I think I’m doing alright.”

As of press time, DOGE had corrected the error, and conservative media quietly moved on—never mentioning the story again.