In a historic realignment of federal priorities, the government has announced that Pride Month will no longer be recognized—but before activists start celebrating “Veteran’s Month,” there’s a catch. While veterans will indeed be honored, it will only happen on June 6th, the anniversary of D-Day.

For the remaining 29 days of June, the federal calendar will be dedicated entirely to celebrating former President Donald J. Trump—with the exception of Thursdays, which will be reserved for tributes to Elon Musk.

“Veterans Get One, Trump Gets 24”

According to the official announcement, June 6th will be a solemn, respectful day to honor those who fought and died for America. However, starting June 7th, the month shifts gears into full-scale Trump Appreciation Mode.

“We love our veterans,” said Secretary of Veteran Affairs Joe Barron, “but let’s be honest—people only talk about them when it’s politically convenient. Trump has done so much for this country, and we think he deserves some proper recognition—like, a full month of it.”

How Trump Month Will Work

Under the new plan, every day from June 7th through June 30th will feature federally sanctioned Trump tributes, including:

  • Morning flag-raising ceremonies where “God Bless the USA” plays on a loop
  • Daily re-readings of Trump’s greatest tweets in public squares
  • A prime-time hour of TV programming called “Winning with Trump,” airing every night on PBS (which will temporarily be rebranded as Patriotic Broadcasting Service)
  • All government employees will be required to wear MAGA pins on their lapels, with optional golden Trump medallions for those who want to go the extra mile

As for Thursdays, those will be Elon Musk Tribute Days, during which:

  • The SpaceX logo will be projected onto the Capitol Building
  • Tesla owners will be given free parking in all federal garages
  • The Pentagon will tweet out a Musk quote, regardless of relevance to national security

Backlash from Every Direction

Predictably, the decision has set off waves of outrage, with activists, veterans, and even some Trump supporters questioning the move.

  • LGBTQ+ groups have called the change “an unprecedented erasure of progress” and “a reminder that rainbow capitalism wasn’t so bad after all.”
  • Veterans’ organizations expressed confusion over why they were only getting one day of recognition while Trump gets nearly a full month.
  • Some Trump supporters have argued that Thursdays should also be about Trump, since “Musk is great, but he still hasn’t endorsed Trump hard enough.”

Meanwhile, Elon Musk himself has yet to comment, though insiders say he’s considering renaming Tesla’s Model T to the “Model Trump” in exchange for an extra tribute day.

Final Word from the White House

When pressed on why Trump was getting 24 days while veterans only got one, a White House spokesperson clarified:

“Veterans fought for freedom. Trump is freedom. That’s why he gets more days.”

As for Pride Month? “They’ll get their turn. Maybe in February. Or not.”