Taylor Swift has drawn a line in the sand. Asked repeatedly how she feels about people kneeling during the National Anthem, she finally gave a definitive answer:

“I think protesting peacefully is an inalienable right under our Constitution and that anyone doing so is engaging in an act of patriotism,” she said, “And I want all Swifties to take a knee during the song, whether you’re at the game or watching somewhere else. Let’s get millions of people on their knees!”

She ended with, “Show me your loyalty!”

According to Met Life Stadium officials, more than 10,000 Swifties have purchased tickets for the game, with prices ranging from $400 to $2,200. “So slightly less than the Eras Tour,” said Facilities Coordinator Joe Barron, “They bought enough seats so that when they kneel, they’ll spell her name across both sides of the stadium.”

“I just want to be in the W,” said Sportsball Analysticator Tara Newhole, who is also our lead Entertainment Journalisticator, “I took out a second mortgage to do it, but I’ll be there.”

Members of the Q-Anon community are planning a counter-protest, but none of them can afford a ticket. “We’ll think of something,” said Mike Lindell, “we have to stop them.” According to Lindell, if you take the S from Swift and put it in front of the T in Taylor and assign each letter a numeral based on ancient Sumerian symbology, dividing by the date of Kennedy’s assassination will give us the time and day of his return. But not as him. It’s a bit tough to follow.

Either way, this whole thing is just disturbingly idiotic, patriots. God bless America.


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