In a stunning announcement that has sent shockwaves through both corporate America and social advocacy groups, Target CEO Joe Barron declared that the retail giant will no longer promote LGBTQ+ Pride merchandise, citing overwhelming feedback from customers.
“The American people have spoken,” Barron said in a statement released early Tuesday morning. “They want us to focus on what really matters—everyday low prices, high-quality products, and a shopping experience free from divisive distractions.”
This marks a dramatic shift for Target, which in recent years has become known for its Pride-themed collections each June, featuring rainbow apparel, inclusive messaging, and partnerships with LGBTQ+ designers. But after facing backlash from certain consumer groups, the company appears to be reversing course entirely.
A Bold New Strategy
Barron elaborated on the decision in an interview with The Wall Street Journal, explaining that the move wasn’t about politics but rather a commitment to listening to shoppers.
“We looked at the numbers,” he said, “and it became clear that customers don’t want corporations getting involved in social issues. They want affordable home goods, trendy fashion, and snacks they can eat in the parking lot before they even leave.”
The decision has already garnered support from several prominent conservative voices, while LGBTQ+ advocates and allies have expressed disappointment. Some longtime shoppers have taken to social media to announce their intention to boycott the company, though Barron remains unfazed.
“Look, we know not everyone will agree with this, and that’s okay,” he said. “At the end of the day, we’re just a store. We sell socks and blenders. Maybe we don’t need to be leading cultural conversations.”
The Unexpected Twist
For many, the announcement seemed too dramatic to be true. And, as it turns out, it was—at least partially. Because what Barron failed to mention in his initial statement is that this new policy only applies to Target on Earth-65, a parallel universe where the retailer has exactly one store, located in Altoona.
Yes, that Altoona.
Earth-65’s Target, a humble single-location operation in a strip mall next to a struggling RadioShack, has long been the subject of corporate neglect. Unlike its Earth-Prime counterpart, which boasts thousands of locations and billions in revenue, Target-65 has been holding on by a thread, kept afloat mostly by sales of off-brand laundry detergent and discounted patio furniture.
According to sources familiar with the matter, the store’s “Pride section” last year consisted of one rainbow keychain and a single leftover Pride T-shirt from 2017 that said Love is Love but was missing the “v.”
“The controversy was actually non-existent,” admitted an anonymous store employee. “The only person who ever complained about it was a guy named Randy who comes in to buy beef jerky and yell at the self-checkout machine.”
Despite this, Barron insists that the decision reflects the will of the people. “We’re setting the tone for the retail industry across all dimensions,” he declared. “One day, when interdimensional commerce is a thing, everyone will remember that Target-65 led the way.”
As for customers in the real world? Well, Pride month is still a few months away, and Earth-Prime’s Targets remain very much in business. So don’t be surprised when you still see that rainbow swimwear aisle this June—at least, outside of Altoona.
