I’m more than certain you’re aware of who Stephen King is.  The maker of nightmares for decades, from Carrie and Cujo to Mr. Mercedes and It.  But now he’s facing his biggest villain yet.  In the real world.

Bantam Publishing House, the tried and true publisher of fiction and non-fiction alike, has announced the dissolution of it’s partnership with the multi-million dollar author, citing a mountain of complaints about his newer material bigger than Christine’s garage.

“A whole lot of the lower-intelligence fans who plod through one of his books in the outhouse with their cousins have spoken,” says Bantam’s Head of Dipshittery Joe Barron.  “They are really pissed about Holly Gibney and such.  Really pissed.”

What Barron is referring to is the character from the Mr. Mercedes books who spun off into her own book recently, “Holly”. In the novel, Gibney is solving a mystery during the pandemic, supporting masks and vaccinations and making a few thinly veiled anti-Trump remarks.

Much of King’s audience sees this as “Wokeness”.

“That Holly book might as well have been written by the DNC,” says a guy who didn’t read, but heard about the book from his wife.  “It’s yet another example of this garbage invading our lives!”

King himself, disagrees, and chuckles from his golden bathtub full of Mike’s Hard Lemonade and hundred dollar bills.

“If you actually paid attention to Holly’s character, you’d know she’s a bit of a neat freak and OCD about everything, so naturally, in a Pandemic, she’d wear a mask and get vaccinated.  I mean, she’s not an idiot Trumper, afraid of her own shadow and dumber than a bag of hammers and dogshit.”

Former twice-impeached crybaby loser dickhead Donald Frump had no comment.  For once.

64 Comments

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  3. JoeMojo

    I’ll say to King what I say to ANY entertainer. You’re paid to entertain, not to lecture, proselytize, or otherwise push your own agenda on the audience. If you want to be an activist, don’t charge us $30 a pop to push your bulls*** on us.

    Karma’s a beotch, beotch.

    • Someone forced you to buy Stephen King’s books? Hey this is America, ok? Freedom of speech is what we patriots fight for! SK is free to write whatever he wants and you are free to not buy it. PLUS, this site is satire not to be taken seriously. It seems you missed that.

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  4. Ha ha - JoeMojo what a bozo ... it's apocryphal satire Bro !

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  5. Just your average Joe ... Verrrry average

    Hey I paid 30 bucks to see former twice-impeached crybaby loser dickhead Donald Frump and he lectured, proselytized and pushed his own agenda on the audience about how the election was stolen blah, blah, blah and how his tiny hands were struggling to whip out his tiny cock so that all of his dimwitted followers could stroke it.

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    Stormy’s a beatch, beatch.

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    So I had this Joe schmoe come up to me ( not the sharpest tool in the shed, but I’d charged him 30 bucks so stick with me ) and start banging on about “being an activist blah, blah, blah” and I told him – any knuckle dragger using the word beotch and lacking the cojones to spell out BULLSHIT on a satirical website comments section is nothing more than a chicken fellating halfwit.

    Got my Mojo back it did. ( not to mention the 30 bucks – shooting fish in a barrel with these inbred Redneck Trump retards ! )

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