BOCA CHICA, TX – In what has quickly become the most dramatic and paranoia-fueled corporate investigation since Twitter’s blue check crisis, scientists at SpaceX are reportedly examining whether the latest Starship explosion was a deliberate act of sabotage. The theory, spearheaded by none other than Elon Musk himself, suggests that shadowy forces, jealous rivals, or possibly even Bill Gates wearing a fake mustache may have conspired to bring down the historic launch.

The Investigation Begins

Shortly after the most recent totally intentional, not-at-all-a-failure “rapid unscheduled disassembly” of Starship, Musk called an emergency meeting of his top engineers.

“Something isn’t adding up,” he muttered, pacing the room in his signature Tesla-branded slippers. “I can feel it. The energy is… off.”

His loyal team nodded nervously as Musk detailed a sinister plot, outlining several potential culprits:

  1. Jeff Bezos, seeking revenge for losing the space race. (Unlikely, as Bezos has been too busy trying to figure out how to make Amazon delivery drones stop attacking squirrels.)
  2. The woke mob, upset that Starship isn’t diverse enough. (Unclear if Musk understands that spaceships don’t have gender identities.)
  3. Mark Zuckerberg, desperate to make the Metaverse seem more exciting by comparison.
  4. A rogue group of Flat Earthers who will stop at nothing to suppress evidence of space travel.

Armed with zero proof but extreme vibes, Musk ordered SpaceX’s brightest minds to investigate.

Suspicion Grows

Over the next 48 hours, Musk became increasingly convinced that someone—or something—was out to get him. Employees reported strange behavior, including:

  • Musk whispering to himself in binary code.
  • Demanding a full background check on the guy who refills the office snack bar.
  • Frantically tweeting at 3 AM: “Saboteurs among us??!! Stay tuned. Also, dogecoin 🚀”
  • Announcing a new SpaceX security system, consisting entirely of his toddler X Æ A-12 drawing “bad guys” on a whiteboard.

The Stunning Revelation

Just as SpaceX was about to hire a team of forensic analysts to inspect Starship for fingerprints, Musk had a sudden realization—he had made the whole thing up.

“Wait a second,” he murmured, eyes widening. “What if… the saboteur is just my own imagination?”

The entire room fell silent. One engineer coughed. A junior intern dropped their Red Bull.

“Sir, are you saying… there was no sabotage?” someone finally asked.

Musk blinked, staring at the wall. It all made sense now. The explosion hadn’t been the work of secret agents or intergalactic haters. It had simply been… physics. And maybe a few miscalculations.

Crisis Averted

Musk quickly pivoted, deleting his conspiracy-laden tweets and instead posting:

“Sometimes failure is just an opportunity to build back stronger. Also, we should put laser cannons on the next Starship. Just in case.”

At press time, Musk was seen enthusiastically sketching plans for a self-aware spaceship that could detect saboteurs in real time. Employees quietly agreed to just let him have this one.