Tyson Foods has moved from one of the top food producers in the US to one of the worst in just a matter of weeks. Between horrible recruiting policies and a new program to introduce “insect protein” into the food supply chain, the company has drawn nothing but negative attention.

It’s gotten so bad that school systems in 16 states have discontinued Tyson products on their menus. The Tyson Dino Nuggett is the most popular item on school trays nationwide, edging out Uncrustables and Bosco Sticks by a wide margin.

“We’re not really sure what we’re going to tell the little ones,” said lunch lady Marge from Boise, “They love those nuggets. Are we supposed to serve regular-shaped nuggets with smily face mashed potato fries or should we switch to tater tots? Everything is up in the air right now.”

Thanks, Tyson. Way to go. The US School Lunch Monitoring Service says the impact will be felt most in low-income homes. “My kid isn’t gonna eat regular nuggets on Tuesdays,” said Betsy from the trailer park on Lincoln, “I’ma have to make the little brat a tuna sandwich. Have you priced tuna lately? I’ll be pawning my Nintendo Switch again and going without Animal Crossing until next month’s check comes in. Thanks Joe Biden.”

Betsy isn’t the only one concerned. Her neighbor, Boomer Roy, says if things don’t change Betsy will probably move to the Tiny Home park down the street, where he won’t be able to see in her bathroom window. “I’m oddly aroused by a woman who shaves her chin but never plucks her eyebrows,” said Roy, “Ill miss her. I’ve gotten to third base like four times when she passed out in my spare bedroom.”

ALLOD Journalisticator Tara Newhole wanted to add that the entire premise of this story reeks of the whole “A Modest Proposal isn’t funny” thing and should probably be excluded from existing.

“Seriously, Flagg. This one’s total trash,” said Newhole.  Yeah, well so are you. God Bless America.


  1. Free iPhone Flagging - https://can't.be.fucked.continuing...

    Any of you nut lickers got a free iPhone ?

    Standards are dropping Flagg


  2. Chewbacca

    Anyone seen C-3PO – these droids are out of control.

  3. Its like you read my mind! You appear to know a lot about this, like you wrote the book in it or something. I think that you could do with some pics to drive the message home a little bit, but instead of that, this is fantastic blog. An excellent read. I will certainly be back.

  4. R2D2

    Not a long read that mind of yours Edith – but concur on the pics. I will certainly be back ( although Flagg may wish otherwise ? )

    P.S Interested in a free iPhone Edith ??

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