Kyle Rittenhouse, the young 2nd Amendment advocate and rising conservative star is missing, along with his hunting party. According to WCNT in Tallahassee, the young hunter and three of his friends were on a trip they purchased through Ted Nugent’s “Guaranteed Trophy” canned hunting service. “They must have got turned around,” said a company spokesman, “the trail out to the fenced killing field is pretty well marked.”
Police have no clues as to where the young man and his three friends may have gone, or how they managed to get so far off course that they couldn’t be spotted from a helicopter. “There’s about three square miles of woods, surrounded by roads. To be this lost, they must have crossed one of them. We have to assume, at this point, that they’re still trying to find the hunt. They had ample supplies for a week.”
Local guides say this sort of thing happens all the time. The difference here is that typically people straggling out of Nugent’s property figure out they’re in a residential neighborhood by the homes, people, and stores. “They may be morons,” one man said, “which wouldn’t surprise me. They shoot deer in a fenced-in yard with assault rifles. It’s not a Mensa meeting.”
Rittenhouse’s spokesman, Joe Barron, said he’s sure Kyle and his friends are playing a joke and that they probably just rented an AirB&B in town somewhere. “He’d a kidder,” said Barron. Hopefully, they figure it out soon.
