Rihanna Is Planning A Horrifying Oscar Party

Satanic belief and worship goes hand-in-hand with the Democratic party nowadays.  We all know this.  It seems to stem from the very oppositional relationship between the good of evangelical Christianity and Republican political bent, and the evil of progressive communist propaganda.

Now, head Satanic priestess Rihanna intends to bring a night of debauchery, dark worship, and hideously horrifying rituals into play for her very own Hollywood Oscar Party.  And just wait until you hear what’s on the menu for the evening.

Starting off as these things as they usually do with a human sacrifice to the Devil, a young “Joe Barron”, the code-name for a kidnapped orphan, will be strapped to a Nintendo game chair and beaten to death with a thousand sharpened coffee stirrers.

Following that comes the “Great Queefernation”, when a dust made of the bones of unbelievers and dandruff from the heads of Disney producers will be released into sky, ushering in a night of Ham Blizzards and bird flu.

Finally, after these machinations and evil actions are complete, Rihanna will signal her Dark D.J. to begin the Dance of the Unbidden, which sounds pretty cool, but doesn’t even make any sense.  Kind of like the entire series of “His Dark Materials” after episode one.

Absolutely horrifying.  But you go, Michelle Yeoh.