Hollywood just got a little less woke and a whole lot more entertaining. According to comedy icon Jerry Seinfeld, his upcoming sitcom will feature none other than the man, the myth, the meltdown: Michael Richards.
“Michael is a great actor and a good friend,” Seinfeld told reporters while sipping a non-fat latte and trying not to roll his eyes. “He made a bad joke a hundred years ago. Get over it.”
The show, reportedly titled Uncancellable, will focus on four aging comedians navigating life in a post-woke world where comedy is illegal unless it’s delivered in haiku form by a gender-neutral rescue dog with a TikTok following.
Naturally, the casting choice has left the usual crowd foaming at the mouth, clutching their pearls, and threatening to boycott a show they probably weren’t going to watch anyway because it doesn’t feature a single plant-based character or an emotional support iguana.
But Seinfeld isn’t worried.
“They probably won’t like what we’re doing anyway,” he said. “It’s not exactly woke. We’re going for jokes, not trauma bonding.”
According to insiders, the pilot episode involves Richards’ character getting fired from a Whole Foods for referring to oat milk as “a sad lie.” Another plotline reportedly features a coffee shop that bans caffeine due to “triggering energy spikes,” leading to a citywide panic.
Executive Producer Joe Barron says the network tried to push back on the Richards casting but eventually gave in after Seinfeld offered to replace all the studio’s carbon credits with a framed picture of George Costanza.
“Honestly, the cancel crowd lost their edge the moment they went after Peppa Pig,” Barron said. “At this point, giving Richards a shot is like daring the internet to do something useful for once.”
In the script notes, Richards’ character is described as “a man with a past, a present, and zero interest in apologizing to someone who still lives in their parents’ basement and thinks Twitter is a personality.”
Critics, of course, are already calling the show “reckless,” “tone-deaf,” and “not inclusive to people who cry during car commercials.” But supporters of the move are thrilled to see someone finally stand up for… comedy.
“Remember when funny people were allowed to be funny?” said one fan outside a live taping. “Now you get canceled for blinking wrong in a room full of pronouns.”
As for Michael Richards, he’s staying quiet, focusing on his new role and reportedly working with acting coach Art Tubolls to “relearn facial expressions that won’t be taken out of context.”
Whether the show sinks, swims, or gets banned in Berkeley remains to be seen. But one thing’s for sure: Seinfeld’s betting that America is ready to laugh again—even if it means risking a sternly worded email from someone named “Kai.”
God Bless America.
